Birthday party at a family's house in Kabul
From Kweilin:
Last night we went to Sherdil's for his birthday party. It was fun because we went to an average Kabuli family's house. There were 18 people in the house, but only two of them were men-- one father and one son. The other 16 were women or children and didn't work. They had one 75-foot well that they used to get water up everyday. Just pulling up one bucket all that way left us huffing and puffing. And they have to wash themselves, wash dishes, wash clothes, and do everything else with that water! Twice a week (at random times-- they're never sure when it will be) they get city water, and even that just started a week ago. They were pretty happy about that. Also, once a week they get electricity (that also happened within the past two weeks), but otherwise they use a weak generator for their lights and other things.
We visited their kitchen which was TINY. There was a clay oven in the ground to cook bread, but other than that, there was just a propane tank with a metal thing that allows you to put a pot on top of it and a bunch of plastic and tin buckets and containers. I can't imagine how they cook enough food for 18 people in that kitchen!
Their rent recently was raised from 4,000 afghani to 8,000. These drastic rent increases are primarily because so many NGOs are in the area and are paying exorbitant prices for houses and everything else. "Soon," the son of the family said, "Kabul will be NGO city and everybody else will have moved out because they can't afford it." We asked if any of the women worked and they smiled shyly and (through an interpreter) said "no." When we asked if they would work if they were offered a job and if their rent went up so much that they needed more money in the family, they said "no" again. It was clear that the question itself was embarrassing and to work would be a clear sign of shame for the family. All of the women (around eight of them and the rest were children) wear burkas whenever they go out and see out of the small net for their eyes. Even if their husband didn't want them to, they said, they would wear it. !
Otherwise they might bring shame on their family if they looked at somebody the wrong way, etc. Whenever they go out (even to go shopping for groceries to cook later on), they have to by LAW ask for permission. All of them seemed quite content with the situation-- primarily because they have never seen or heard of doing things a different way. It was a really eye-opening experience to meet them, and I'm really glad we did. We asked a few of the women if they knew their husbands before they got married, and they said that the first time they laid eyes on him was at their engagement party. Luckily their husbands were all pretty good looking. I've heard of instances, though, where the bride is pretty disappointed with the fiance at the engagement party and she just needs to get used to it and be happy with him. When we asked: "Do you like your husband / fiance?" they looked away shyly and somebody explained to us that they cannot answe!
r a question like that. It would be shameful to appear to like o
r lust after somebody-- even your own fiance or husband. In fact, at both engagement parties and at weddings (which are big affairs if the families can afford it), both sides are supposed to look sad or afraid even if they are really happy about the match. Otherwise, to appear like they really like and want the other person would be shameful. It was definitely a different world.
posted by Li at 12:37 AM
